Talking to the Moon
by shakeitup
Summary: Hawke is in love with a mage-hating brooding elf. With magic running through her veins, getting him to fall for her is almost impossible. Hawke loves a challenge but there's only so many times someone can take rejection before they break.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Inspired by my first playthrough, when trying to friendshipmance Fenris I found myself screaming "WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME" at the computer screen.**

** Enjoy :) **

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><p><em>A small shy smile crept onto her face. "It's never too late to learn Fenris."<em>

_The book of Shartan, about the elf who help Andraste free the slaves. It was perfect for him, and if he accepted her offer she'd get to spend more time with him, get closer to him. The smile on her face slowly disappeared when Fenris's brows furrowed and the corners of his lips fell into a frown. _

"_So is that what this is? Let's teach the poor slave to read?" That raspy voice Hawke loved so much was full of malice and anger._

_It was going all wrong._

"_No, no that wasn't…" The plan was crumbling right in front of her. There was a loud thrumming in her ears as her heart trashed against her chest, almost asking for the elf's gauntleted hand to reach in and pull it from its cage. The grave look he was giving her was an indication he defiantly would not hesitate to comply with the order. She broke the eye contact. Get out. She needed to get out and away from those malevolence green eyes. _

_She could feel her throat straining as she tried to force back the tears that had glazed across her eyes. "I, I'm sorry." She paused for a shaky breath and her voice slipped off into a whisper. "This was a bad idea." Before Fenris could respond, Hawke's quivering arm involuntarily shot out from beside her, tearing the book out of Fenris's hands and bringing it to her chest, and she spun on her heel as her feet took pounding steps towards the door. _

_Her eyes were glued to the floor, pushing the heavy door of the mansion open with one hand. The bitter cold air greeted her as she paced out of Fenris's home and travelled towards her own. The beating of her heart could still be heard in her ears. _

_This wasn't how it was meant to go. She thought she could finally win him over. It was a gift, a thoughtful gesture and she couldn't understand what it had done to upset him. Maybe, maybe if she didn't offer to teach him to read…. She should have known he was still touchy about his past and offering to teach him to read, even though she had good intensions, may have sounded patronising. It was her fault, she messed everything up again. _

_It seemed that no matter what Hawke did, Fenris would disapprove. She knew with his hatred for mages, and herself being a mage would be a major obstacle in gaining his trust and approval. But she had done nothing but show him kindness, she had not given a reason for him to dislike her . Even with his constant condemnation Hawke still found herself deeply infatuated with the man. His constant brooding only made her more curious about him and it was needless to say that he was a very handsome elf. The exposed lyrium markings that swirled up his chin, down his neck, and across his arms enticed her. On occasion she found herself wondering if the markings trailed down to… _

_Hawke felt her face warm at the thought, shaking her head in attempt to rid of it. The raw cold wind kissed her face and Hawke's grip on the book became tighter. Why she was still holding onto the book she didn't know. There was nothing more she wanted to do with it than throw it into a dark alley in hopes she'd never have to see it again, but as she trudged along the dark streets of Hightown she found her body failing to correspond with what she wanted to do with the damn thing. It was because she had a spark of hope, because she thought there might be a possibility that Fenris one day would accept the gift. She wouldn't let go of Fenris, just like she wouldn't with the book. And as much as she wanted to, she couldn't. _


	2. Chapter 1 REVISED

_**A/N: I've revised this chapter, and added/tweaked a few things because re-reading it, I realised how terrible it was. I tried to fix it as much as possible _**SO its worth a read :)**_. Also, I had to reupload this chapter anyways because something happened and long stroy short, I had someone how replaced this chapter with chapter 2. Also I'm revising chapter 2, which will be up soon. **_

_**Enjoy :) **_

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><p>It wasn't something she was used to, the way he was treating her. It was a gentleness that she hadn't felt in a while. His nimble fingers combing her hair, intertwining with her locks until he reached the tips, then he would go back to repeat the action again. And even with this his soft touches, she sat stiff and frozen from the contact. The sensation when his fingers accidently brushed down her neck as his hands travelled though the tresses made her feel sick. It was like a slight tickle of some unctuous tentacle about to lace around her throat. But she didn't tell him to stop, because she knew it was what she needed right now. She needed someone to be beside her, even if it wasn't the person she had wished for. Maybe should could image it was his rough fingers, course from the constant use of his weapon, instead of the soft tender touch of a mage's.<p>

Hawke didn't realise she was even crying until she felt a warm tear that had fallen off her face and onto her bare thigh. She felt the hand that was intertwined in her hair softly slither to her chin, coaxing it to turn and face him. As it obeyed she saw amber eyes, not the green ones she had hoped for. A thumb gently wiped a falling tear from her eye.

"A mage did this Anders, a mage." Her voice croaked.

She couldn't help but hate the magic coursing through her veins. Fenris practically loathed her for being a mage. Carver was gone with the templars, and she was surprised with the amount of spite he threw at her for being a mage that he hadn't turned her in yet. And now, her mother was gone because of a mage. It seemed that maybe all this alarm of the mage's wasn't nonsense, perhaps they should be feared.

"They're right; maybe we are a danger to everyone around us."

A sympathetic look crossed Anders face. He shook his head drawing Hawke's face uncomfortably close to his. Their foreheads touched, and Hawke could feel his breath tickling her own lips. "He was a mad man. That's what made him do this… not magic." His hand drew up to caress her face. "Just remember, I am here for you."

One small tilt of the head was all either of them had too do, and their lips would be pressed against each other's. Her heart pace picked up, she didn't want that, and before either of them could move in Hawke's head dipped down and her face buried into the feathers of his coat. She loved Anders, she truly did, but not in the romantic sense. Anders was not unapparent with his feelings for Hawke, and as much as she wanted the comforting kiss that Anders was offering her, she couldn't and wouldn't lead him on. It just wouldn't be fair.

Then she suddenly came undone, sobbing into his shoulder. Instinctively Anders arms wrapped themselves around her body, clutching onto her tight as if he was holding her together. The howls escaping her lips were almost unbearable, nearly identical to the cries that escaped her lips in battle when she had been seriously wounded. Pain, her sobs were full of pain. Anders wasn't sure, but he could only assume that this was the first time Hawke had properly mourned over her mother's loss, and probably Bethany's.

Hawke had an exterior that seemed unbreakable, because she always had to be. She had to be strong for her family. The only time he had every really seen her façade slightly crack was when she was around Fenris, in fact it seemed she lost all sense of pride and self control when she was around the elf. She became a bumbling mess whose eyes festered on him almost constantly. Anders had even noticed she did so during battles, and had on more than one occasion saved her from harm that she was completely oblivious to because of her infatuation with the elf. She knew that he had known about her fascination with the elf, heck everyone who witnessed the way she looked at him knew… apart from Fenris himself. Maybe it was better that way, for now at least.

He was ripped from his thoughts when her hands gripped tightly to the fabrics of his clothes, her cries becoming louder and more painful to endure. Anders cradled her fragile body in her arms, gripping her tighter as her cries grew in volume hoping it would calm her down.

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><p>They had been all together at the Hanged Man, minus the company of Hawke and Anders. Fenris took another gulp of his ale, grimacing at the taste. The group was awfully quite tonight with the occasional small talk to try and break the silence.<p>

The absence of Hawke was touching everyone, even Fenris. He had accompanied Hawke along with Varric and Anders when they had found the captor of her mother. A mage who had created mutilated corpse, by piecing body parts together of different women and kept it alive by magic. Unfortunately, Hawke's mother was involved in this plot. He had watched Hawke's emotional barrier cave in when her mother had died in her arms. Though she did not cry, she did not bother to hide her terror and distraught. She had locked herself in her estate, wanting to be alone to grieve. It was understandable. Fenris would not bother going to visit her anyway, because he did not know what to say. He would feel highly uncomfortable talking about such a horrid situation, and her even feared he might upset more. He'd merely obey her command and not bother her. Disobeying was not something Fenris was all too familiar with.

"Hey, Blondie! Nice of you to join us." The whole group turned to face the mage, greeting him with happy smiles. Apart from Fenris, who scowled at his mug of ale.

"Sorry I was with, Hawke." Anders drug out a chair, and took a seat across from Fenris. The mention of Hawke's name had him peak up from the mug and looking at the Abomination.

"Is she alright?" Merrill meekly asked the question for everyone.

Ander's let out a sigh. "She's… coping." A frown fell on his face. "I've never seen her so vulnerable before. She just broke down in front of me. I stayed with her until she finally fell asleep, though I worry. I can imagine the fade will not be kind to her tonight."

And there was a sharp pang in his stomach at the thought of Hawke being comforted by the abomination. Hadn't she said she didn't want to see anyone?

"She is not stable." The worlds slipped from Fenris's mouth and the group turned their attention to him. "It is only a matter of time before she submits to the will of a demon." His eyes trailed to the cup of liquid again before finishing it off with a large gulp and pushing it so it skidded to the centre of the table. There was a silence before Ander's responded.

"You really think Hawke will do that?"

He peered up at the mage before trailing his gaze back down to its original place, smirking inwardly as he saw the aggravation grow on his face. "All you mages are the same. Hawke is no different."

Oh how Anders loathed the elf. He understood what Fenris had gone through, he understood why he may have held a grudge against mages, but his distrust of Hawke confused him to an extent where it angered him. "You're just as narrow minded as I thought." Ander's attempted to kept a calm exterior. "What exact reason has Hawke given you to doubt her so much?"

"She is a mage." It was a blunt answer that wound up Anders and Fenris knew this.

Anders let out a frustrated growl. "Yes, but what has she done? I understand you doubt me and Merrill, but Hawke has never ever done anything that would give you a reason for you not to trust her!"

"Mage, you are beginning to annoy me with your pestering." Fenris sent out a warning to the mage with his low gruff voice that almost mimicked a growl.

"You didn't answer my question." Anders seethed.

Fenris slammed his fist against the table. "Enough! Why do you care about what I think of Hawke?" Fenris jumped from his seat and making Anders automatically imitate the action. They lent over the table, sizing each other up, their hatred for each other sprawled across their faces. "You have no idea what I have been through, no idea what it's like to be a slave to a magister! I am no longer a slave, I will not have my opinions questioned and scrutinised, especially by an abomination!" Fenris's markings were aflame, his hand balled into a fist ready to tear the mages heart out.

"You can't answer my question because you don't have a reason do you Fenris?"

Anders was right. He snarled at the mage. "Venhedis! I'm leaving before I hurt you." Fenris kicked back the chair behind him before storming out of the room.

He could hear Ander's voice yelling at him. "Maybe if you weren't so stubborn you'd realise what's really in front of you!"

Fenris had paused stiff bodied for a moment, contemplating what the Abomination meant by the remark. He shook his head attempting to rid the thought and stalked back out the door.

He made his way to his mansion, passing by Hawke's estate through is journey. He looked up at it considering whether or not to visit. But no, the Abomination had said she was asleep, he would not want to disturb her. There was a soft hum that reached his ears, it was a pretty tune Fenris recognised from somewhere, and as he got closer to his mansion the tune seemed to dissapear.

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><p>It wasn't long after Anders had left that Hawke had woken up again. She was sat on the balcony of her room. The wind whipped her hair across her face. Hawke's eyes trailed to the town bellow, a frown toying on the side of her face. She had run out of tears. Her mind drifted, and she was thinking far too much. She closed her eyes for a moment, humming a light lullaby to herself in attempt to get rid of her flooding thoughts. Hawke's breath hitched as she began to think of him. As she snapped open her eyes, she could have sworn she had spotted a light blue glow passing through the dark down bellow…<p> 


	3. Chapter 2 REVISED

_**A/N: Thank you for all the story alerts and reviews! :) Here's the revised version of chapter 2. Chapter 3 will be up shortly! Sorry about the re-uploads.**_

_**Enjoy! :)**_

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><p>The letters on Hawke's desk had been piling up over the week. She had not spoken to the others much, wanting to be left alone to dwell and mourn. She had finally told herself enough was enough. It was time to move on and get along with other business; maybe it would take her mind off everything else as well. She sighed sorting through the letters. The group would be meeting up soon at the Hanged Man, to discuss plans, and play a bit of diamond back.<p>

She was excited to see the others, especially him. Through the week, everyone had paid her a visit and though most of the time Bodhan had turned them away it she had been informed about their attempts and she had noticed not once did Fenris even bother to ask to speak to her. Though she had other things to grieve about, she found herself momentary thinking of him through the week. When she had heard someone come through the door, she had hoped it would be him, and it seemed she would always be disappointed.

Another sigh escaped her lips. Her eyes lingered over a letter. It was from Arriani about Fenryial, the boy the apostate mage they had saved from slavers a while ago, he was suffering from nightmares. They needed help and were asking to meet Hawke in the alienage to discuss further. Hawke picked up the letter before heading up to her room to get in her amour and leave for the Hanged Man.

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><p>Hawke was glad that when she had arrived at the Hanged Man everyone treated her as if nothing had happened. She did not want to be asked questions, or talk about the situation and somehow the group knew this. Fenris was there, quite as usual ignoring Isabella's flirtatious advantages like he would her own. Though Hawke's techniques where much more subtle than the pirate's. Hawke hadn't spent long at the inn. After she had mentioned the letter to her companions, she decided that she wanted to pay Arriani a visit that evening. It was best not to keep the woman waiting.<p>

It turned out that Fenryial was in a coma, due to 'particular talents'. They wanted Hawke to enter the fade through a ritual that Keeper Marethari would have performed in order to save him from the demons who were attempting to control him. Hawke, of course agreed to help the boy. She had brung Anders, Fenris and Isabella to accompany her in the fade.

Isabella had already succumbed to a desire demon, and it didn't really surprise Hawke. In fact Hawke had felt stupid anytime she did end up trusting the pirate. She liked the woman, but Isabella just wasn't someone she could depend on, at least on yet. In any case she had two strong willed companions left by her side, and for that she was thankful. Anders couldn't surrender to the seduction of a demon, and Fenris defiantly would not turn on her, he didn't trust her, so could not be fool enough to ever put his trust in a demon. Not for all the shit he gave her about such things at least.

Well, that is what Hawke had believed. So when they the three of them were standing before a pride demon offering Fenris freedon, it would be insignificant to say that Hawke was shocked when the elf seemed intrigued by his proposition.

She turned to him. "If you accept, you are no better than the magistrates." _He wouldn't dare._

"But, to face them as an equal, I…" Hawke could not believe this was happening. Though he was hesitant, Fenris had accepted the demon's offer. "What would you want from me?"

The husky voice of the demon spoke. "A moment of your time, nothing more."

Then he turned on her so fast that if it wasn't for the frost spell Anders had cast at him, she was pretty sure she would no longer be in the fade. It didn't take long to rid of Fenris and the pride demon, though Hawke would not deny that it was challenging to attack Fenris. She knew, although a small chance, that Fenris wouldn't merely wake up from the fade, we wouldn't wake up at all. Fenris could have died. It just was…strange and discomfiting to be betrayed by the elf, and have to assail him. He was the last person she would have guessed would yield to a demon.

Once the battle was over, Hawke looked up at Anders as she caught her breath. It seemed that he was just as stunned as Hawke was from the betrayal of their companion. He shook his head at her as if to say "I can't believe it."

"And then there were two…" Hawke muttered. "We'd better get going." The sooner they got moving, the sooner she'd get out of the fade. Then she could make sure that he was alive and well, she wouldn't question him on his betrayal, she knew how the demons were and how persuasive they are. They'd know things about you that you did not know yourself. It was easy to be lured by one.

Anders gave her a quick tap on the back, cracking her from the thoughts lingering in her head. "Come on." His soft voice spoke before the two mages left off to complete their pursuit.

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><p>Fenris shot up as he awoke from the fade with a gruff growl, his green eyes wide and his markings ablaze. He didn't, he didn't just do what he thought he did.<p>

"You too?" The sultry voice of the pirate reached his ears. "Balls. Hawke's going to be pissed with us you know." She paused for a moment, a smile frown falling on her face "I feel kind of…guilty?"

His heart was still racing. He hadn't been listening to Isabella; he was too trapped in his own thoughts. He could not fathom how easily he had given into the demon, and up until then he had not realised how trapped his still really was. Freedom. The demons, they knew want Fenris truly sought, even when he didn't know himself. He needed to get out; he couldn't face Hawke when she awoke. Not right at that time. He could tell she would be upset, confused and angry. She'd ask him why he did give in, and he didn't have the answer. Fenris needed to calm down, get his thoughts together. He felt remorse at the fact he had betrayed Hawke. But it wasn't his fault, was it? It couldn't be.

Fenris turned to Hawke's slumbering body which was lying next to his own. Her lips had curled into a frown, and her eyes screwed shut. A small groan escaped the lips, and her body stirred closer to Fenris's own.

Quickly he stood up gathering his sword. "I must go." He muttered. "Tell Hawke not to trouble me when she awakes, I wish to not be bothered." Before the occupants of the room could have answered, Fenris had already stalked out the door. _Coward._

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><p>She was excited when she heard a gravelly voice asking Bodhan for her, who had directed him into the study where she was sat. Hawke felt her heart skip a beat when she heard the soft padding of Fenris's steps becoming increasingly louder as he approached her. She whipped her head back to the parchment in front of her, gathering the quill in her hand pretending to be intently writing something.<p>

She hadn't seen him since he had fled after he had awoken from the fade. She worried for him; Isabella had told her that he seemed discomforted by the whole situation and left in a hurry. She wasn't mad at him, just upset that he refused to confront her about it.

"Hawke."

Her head shot up from her papers. She quickly got up from her seat, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Oh, Fenris. What can I do for you?" She sent him a small smile trying to hide her flustered demeanour.

"I came here to apologize for my weakness in the fade." _Finally! _She didn't expect Fenris to ever apologise, it was simply out of his nature to act in such a manner with her. She had to hold back a squeal that was threatening to spill out.

"Oh Fenris that's-"

He cut her off. "But the more I think about it, the more I think that you also are to blame. Why did you take me to the fade? We should have hunted the boy down and killed him."

_What. _

Her mouth dropped. She was not expecting that. He couldn't, he couldn't actually be holding her responsible for the decisions he had made.

"You're blaming _me_?"

He gave a simple nod. "I did not want to come to the fade in the first place, had you not dragged me-"

Every ounce of hope, and joy she felt a moment ago had shattered. She knew it was too good to be true.

"Dragged you? I did not drag you into anything." She felt anger for Fenris she had never felt before. Her voice grew in volume as she continued to speak to him. "You had a choice, do not try and shame me because you couldn't help but submit to the will of a demon." She scoffed, "You want to know why I asked you? Because I had faith in you, because I thought you were strong minded. With all the crap you give mages, I would have thought you could control yourself. But it seems I was mistaken." She took in a deep breath and with her body shaking she looked up into the green eyes, which still showed no remorse. "How dare you come into my home to just blame _me _for your wrong doings? A simple sorry was all you had to say, and you can't even do that. Even Isabella said sorry. "

There was a silence. Fenris merely looked at her, not able to answer. He'd never had her speak to him like that. Her eyes trailed away from him. She could feel it, that dry lump in her throat a sign that tears were about to fall. Muttering, she spoke. "You know where the door is. See yourself out."

Their arms touched as Hawke quickly jostled past him making Fenris flinch. She had left Fenris alone and awe struck. Hawke had never spoken to him as she did and there was a feeling that erupted in him as she did. He let out a low growl. The woman never ceased to anger him, yet he pondered why he had never wanted to leave her side. The feelings he erupted in her were unbearable and foreign to him. Now h was questioning himself. He questioned why he did enter the fade knowing that it made him very uncomfortable. Maybe to not disappoint Hawke? To not seem weak? But he had done all those things. Now he had upset her, and it seemed that she had now upset him.

He was just about to get moving when something had caught his eye. A book on her desk. His eyes pondered on it for a while. It looked very much like the book Hawke had offered him, with the distinctive black over and red spine, but he had hostilely rejected the gift. Why did she still keep hold of it?

His gauntleted hand reached out for the book, picking it up off the desk. He lingered in the room for a while, as his eyes scanned over the cover before he began his journey out of the estate and back to his mansion, the book still in his hands.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you all the the lovely reviews and story alerts! Sorry for the late update, but here is chapter 4! Enjoy!**

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><p>"I swear to you Isabela, he's impossible."<p>

The pirate let out a small chuckle, her gaze still resting on the playing cards she held in front of her face. "Don't I know it sweetling." She threw a card into the centre of the table. "Here's a thought: You really should try flaunting a bit of tits and arse rather than wearing though ill fitting robes all the time, maybe that will grab his attention."

Hawke peaked over at the card Isabela had sent her before drawing a new card from the deck. "You have tried that tactic on him, and if it doesn't work for you…it most defiantly wouldn't work for me."

Isabela shrugged, quickly slipping a card in her blouse when Hawke wasn't looking. "Won't know if you don't try." She smirked to herself. "And even so, if Fenris won't admire it, I'm positive a certain pirate would." Isabela leant over the table. "Aww, common Hawke. Let me give you a sexy makeover, and if I don't have Fenris falling at your feet…"

Hawke rolled her eyes at the woman's remarks. She leant in closer towards Isabela, before plucking the card hidden in her blouse with a small smile. "No." She withdrew back into her seat, throwing her cards into the centre of the table, no longer wanting to play. "It's not about how sexy I look with Fenris. It's about the fact I'm a mage. He just can't let go of it. As long as I have magic in my blood, he could never like me. At least not in that way."

The pirate laughed.

"What?"

"Tell me Hawke, when was the last time you…"

Hawke felt her face grow hot. "That is none of your business."

"That long eh? Let me guess, a couple of months?"Hawke peaked at the pirate, her cheeks growing a deeper shade of red. "…A year." She guessed again.

Hawke's head hung in shame, trying to cover her embarrassment with her hair that hung around her now rosy cheeks. "More than a year? Maker Hawke! How, how are you functioning? You must be spending a lot of time in your bedroom by yourself…"

Hawke's had shot up. "Isabela!"

A smirk found its way onto her lips, loving the horrified look on Hawke's face. "You do don't you? Thinking about how those course warrior hands play with your body, while your own hands rub-"

In a flash Hawke had literally thrown herself over the table, clamping her hands over the pirate's lips, mortified.

"Shut up!" She could feel Isabela's lips curve into a smile under the palm of her hand. "Maker! You're lucky we're the only people in the room."

The pirate clawed Hawke's hands off her mouth. "Stop acting like such a virgin about it! Everyone does it!"

A flustered Hawke clambered off the table back to her own seat. "Yes well, some people don't feel as comfortable talking about it." She let out a sigh. "Look. You're right. I haven't had sex for a long time. So I get sexually frustrated, and yes I spend a lot of time in my room…playing with myself but…what?"

There was a toothy grin plastered on Isabela's face that was far too large and roguish for it to be caused by something Hawke had said.

"Why are you smiling like that?" She questioned again. Isabela merely gave a nod in the direction behind Hawke.

A sudden throaty chuckle made Hawke freeze.

"Hawke spent nights, lying awake, aching for the dark and handsome broody elf. She imagined her hands were his own while she explored her body." The voice spoke. " Now this is a story I cannot forget to write down."

"Ooh! Can I help?" Isabela chimed in.

She felt herself sinking into the chair, wanting the ground to swallow her up. "You both are horrible horrible people."

The dwarf stepped over to Hawke, giving her a reassuring pat on the shoulder along with another throaty chuckle. "Long time no see friend. Where have you been the last couple of days hmm…?"

"I've been busy with…stuff."

If locking herself away in her estate to avoid seeing Fenris after the bolloking she gave him was considered being busy, Hawke wasn't lying. She still felt bitter about the way he had treated her that night, but the feeling of longing for him had out passed anything negative. In all honesty, she just really wanted to be in his company again.

"Has broody been with you then? Haven't seen him for a while either."

She became confused. If the others had not seen Fenris, then where was he? There was a sharp pang in her stomach as a thought crept into her mind. Maybe, maybe he left after the way she had spoken to him. He already seemed displeased with her presence… the argument she had with him could have pushed him away. What if she never saw him again?

"Well, I haven't seen him too. Not since after we entered the fade. He came by to the estate…"Her voice managed to croak once she had swallowed down the bile that had formed in her throat.

Isabela's eyes glimmered mischievously at Hawke. "He came by to your estate? Ooo…"

Hawke shook her head. "Nothing remotely like that happened. In fact, the total opposite happened. He tried to blame his decision to give into a demon on me… So I gave him a good bolloking and sent him out."

_Mansion. He might be at the mansion._ Hawke foot begun tapping at a fast pace, her heart thrumming against her chest. The thought of Fenris leaving her was fresh in her mind and all she could think about. She needed to get out and look for him.

"So, he came by your estate... and instead of ravishing him up, you yelled at him. Wow Hawke, you are clueless."

"And now he's nowhere to be seen. Hawke you must have scared him off pretty good." Varric added.

She was so worried her head began to hurt. She needed to get out, now.

Hawke shot up out of her chair. "I'm going to look for him." She muttered, briskly exiting Varric's quarters before the two rouges could interrogate her anymore on the situation.

**X X X X**

He was busy, drinking himself into oblivion. He brung the bottle up to his lips again, drawing it from his mouth after he had taken another large gulp before sending her a sweet smile. He outstretched the bottle in his hand, offering her some. She grabbed the bottle out of his hand taking a huge swig.

There was a huge wave of relief that flooded Hawke's body when she had seen him sat in the chair.

"Where have you been?" She asked taking a seat.

He peered up at her. "I thought you were not on best terms with me, I did not want to upset you further with my presence." He took another large gulp from the wine bottle before letting the empty bottle roll onto the table.

So they had been avoiding each other, both locking themselves away.

The guilt inside him churned. He had felt remorseful about the way he had confronted Hawke when he had betrayed her in the fade. There was an even sharper pang of guilt when he remembered how his ears picked up the sound of small sobs as he left her estate that night. He had made such a strong woman the guilt came the excessive drinking, trying to numb the feeling that consumed his body. The feeling he felt when he had when he had slaughtered the innocent fog warriors. He winced at the memory.

"Something on your mind?"He looked up at her once more, he lips had turned a deeper shade of red from the wine making them seem even plumper and delectable. At that moment he thought of what it would be like to kiss those lips, but he knew it was just the drink talking.

"That was the last bottle of Agreggio… I was meant to save it, for a special occasion." He lied.

Hawke inclined back into the chair. "And what might that special occasion be?"

A clumsy smile found its way onto Fenris's lips as he tried to think of a ploy. "The anniversary of my escape." He lent into Hawke. "Care to hear the story?" Again, the drink spoke for him. It wasn't something he liked to speak of, in fact the thought of it made him feel sick.

"Um, only if you would like." A small smile crept onto her face. "I enjoy hearing you talk."

He returned the smile with one of his own. It made Hawke's heart flutter, she should get him drunk more often if it meant that she'd be seeing more of that smile.

"There are few pleasures greater than talking to such a beautiful woman." It was a thought that slipped from his mouth. Drunken thoughts possibly. No, even Fenris could not blame his attraction to the woman on the drinking, she was beautiful and most men would be lying if they said she wasn't. It was no surprise that the abomination had fallen for her, sucking on her like a leech anytime she was in his presence.

The words that had escaped from Fenris's lips had caused Hawke to blush profusely; she sunk into her chair trying to hold back a squeal. He thought she was 'beautiful'. Her inward thoughts were cut short when Fenris begun to tell her of his plight, of how he escaped and found refuge with the fog warriors until Danarius had tracked him down. With one command, Fenris had slaughtered the only source of companionship he had, and his only shot at freedom. With such a burden on his shoulders, he didn't return back to Danarius… instead he stowed on a ship, his 'master' chasing after him. She had not commented on the story, she merely asked questions every so often. Fenris was grateful for that, he did not need anybody's sympathy and though the expression her face showed it he was appreciative.

"I've never spoken about what happened to anyone… I've never wanted to." He let out a gruff sigh. "You and I, we don't always see eye to eye, but…you must understand I have never allowed anyone to get close." He swayed in his chair slightly, catching himself on the armrest. "But you, you are unlike any woman I have ever met."

Her heart jumped. Hawke toyed with a piece of her hair, peaking up at him as his tantalising green watched her. There was a deathly silence that overcame them.

"Fenris…"

A hum left his lips, indicating he was listening.

"I, thank you. Thank you for telling me."Her gaze trailed to the floor. "I'm headed to the wounded coast tomorrow, it's only a small task that needs to be completed but I would like if you would come with me."

"Like I had said before Hawke, I am always at your disposal."


End file.
